Final Regrets
by Bokutou No Ryu
Summary: Shounen-ai, Faust x Yoh. After losing Eliza again, Faust does the only thing left to be with her again. But what is he leaving behind?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Shaman King, period.

**Warning:** Angst, Shounen-ai, Suicidal Angst, Depressing-ness, and more Angst.

**Notes:** Not exactly romantic to say the least, but hopefully still enjoyable.

**Final Regrets**

Why is it that whenever Faust thought he was in heaven, it wasn't long before he found he was living in hell? Its been said that the past likes to repeat itself… well, they were right. He was so happy and content; he should have seen it coming. Unfortunately, he had been an optimist his entire life and never would have imagined the person he'd dedicated his life to would be torn from his arms yet again.

It all had happened so fast, even he was unsure of what exactly occurred. They, team Funbari Onsen, were ambushed by Hao and his minions on their way back from a match. Faust's first reaction was to rush to assist Yoh who was beginning to become greatly outnumbered. Though he never made it. A vicious blow had struck him from behind which caused him plummet face first to the ground. When he'd managed to recover, he immediately tried to form his over soul only to find lose chains dangling from his arm. His eyes franticly darted to ground only to widen at the horrific site of his beloved wife's shattered remains.

As Faust sat against the wall of his room, he pondered the sharp metallic object lying in his palm. After running a finger across it, the trickling he felt trailing down his hand proved that it hadn't yet grown dull with use and was more than adequate for the task at hand. It was a scalpel, a surgical instrument with the purpose of saving lives. He found it rather ironic that it was about to end his.

Once the sleeve of his white coat was pushed up far enough, Faust was ready. A few incisions in the vein provided sufficient blood loss. All that was left is to wait to slip into nothingness, and then they would be reunited yet again. He glanced down to find the sterility of his coat slowly becoming tainted with crimson. Out of all the times he'd been stained with blood, it was odd to see that this time it was actually his.

It's a common belief that when you're dying, your life flashes before your eyes. Faust saw no such thing. In a way he was grateful, it wasn't exactly something he wanted to relive. Instead, all he saw was his deepest regret. Though rather than a past event that he wished he'd acted out differently, or some desire left unfulfilled, it was a person. His regret could be summarized by one face, one name. Yoh. The only thing that made this joyous occasion leaving him feeling bitter was he. He was the one that changed the necromancer's life, who brought light to his previous dark, destructive ways. But most importantly, because of him, he was able to be with Eliza again and put his years of futile searching to an end.

Faust's greatest regret in life was abandoning Yoh. He'd sworn on his life to protect him and to make him Shaman King. It was the least he could do after all, he owed the boy at least that much. But even at this, he'd failed miserably. With his medium destroyed, he could no longer create an over soul, and this made him worthless to anyone.

Yoh would be better off without him now, since he was nothing but dead weight. Even though he knew this was true, Faust couldn't help but feel the pain of sadness. He was a little _fonder_ of his friend than he cared to admit. Though, regrettably in a sense, one of Faust's most admirable qualities was his undying loyalty, and he would never betray his wife. Perhaps he and the young shaman would cross paths again in another life, and then maybe they could be together. And he could be happy.

Faust's vision began to blur and he could feel his mind start to dull. Being a doctor, he knew very well the symptoms of blood loss. His pulse should be fairly weak by now; it's only a matter of time. Before he was able to complete his self-diagnosis, there was a light tapping on his door.

"Faust?" A familiar, albeit not particularly welcomed at the moment, voice called out.

_Don't make this any harder on me than it already is._

"Faust?" The voice of Yoh asked again. "Are you there? I'm coming in, okay?"

_Goodbye…_

Faust wasn't aware of whatever occurred next. He had a feeling of indescribable lightness before his surroundings became white. He felt that it was safe to assume he'd died, and this was… Hell? He certainly hoped not, it was far too bright for his tastes anyway. As he was taking in the bleak and nearly blinding setting, one figure standing alone in the desert of light caught his attention.

Faust's lips curved in a genuine smile. "Eliza," he breathed in nearly a whisper.

But the simple gesture was not returned. In fact, as she approached her face could be clearly seen, with a mouth set in a fine line and eyes that appeared to be blazing. Were his feelings of rejoice not shared? When she was within arms reach, Faust moved to embrace her.

He was stopped in mid-step when her hand connected harshly to his cheek. Faust slowly raised his fingers up to brush against the skin that had been struck. He looked as if he'd just been stabbed in the back, with pain in his eyes and slightly gaping lips that couldn't seem to form any syllables.

"Do you think this is what I wanted?" Eliza demanded in a sharp tone, nearly shouting. It was a very abrupt end to the excruciating silence that was hanging in the air. "You can't seriously have thought that this would make me happy! Not only did you waste so many years of your life, you ended it, all on my account. Did you ever think that I just wanted you to be happy?"

She looked concerned, as if just noticing how much she'd hurt her husband, and stopped her lecture. "I'm sorry, someone had to knock some sense into you. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but it's time to move on." Eliza tried to comfort him while gently caressing the side of his face.

Faust couldn't stand the distance any longer. He hastily pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed into her into her shoulder.

"It's okay," Eliza reassured as she guided his chin towards her, forcing her husband to look her in the eyes. "Just promise me you'll continue living," her voice took on an almost pleading tone now, "and **please** try to find some happiness."

At that moment, Faust suffered a jarring pain in his chest, like someone was trying tear out his heart. He was forced to break the contact with his wife as he collapsed to his knees in agony. Why would he still feel pain even in death? The full weight of Eliza's words hit him at last.

_Live?_

Eliza placed her hand on his shoulder. "You should go," she urged.

Faust lifted his gaze to meet hers. "Thank you," he managed with as much sincerity as he could muster.

The whole area around them appeared to crack and shatter to before his eyes. That would be the last sight he would see before he was plunged into utter darkness.

Moonlight gently streamed through the gaps in the partially closed blinds and into Faust's barely open eyes. He was having trouble focusing and couldn't figure out why. It seems that he was indeed living, though with the way he felt he almost wished he wasn't. Faust made another obvious observation; he appeared to be in the hospital. The needle prodding into his unscarred arm was a dead give away if nothing else. He suspected whichever drug they were pumping vast quantities of directly into his bloodstream was the cause of his currently miserable condition. What he didn't expect was to find that he wasn't alone.

Off to his left, there was a chair pulled up to the bed. Its occupant had his hand in what looked like quite the grip. Faust guessed he would have noticed this much sooner had the arm in question not been numb from the elbow down, more than likely from the blood loss. He was slightly relieved to find his guest was asleep, and using the back of his palm as a pillow at that. The visitor's features were veiled with many lose strands of dark hair, but there was no question as to who it was. Yoh, he was the one responsible for keeping him alive. Faust wondered if he'd ever be able to face him. His sleeping companion groaned as he stirred in the uncomfortable looking armchair.

"Faust," the supposedly sleeping boy whispered without even opening an eye. "Don't ever do that again," he chided but sounded worried nonetheless. With that, Yoh grasped the necromancer's hand tighter and appeared to doze off again.

"I assure you, I won't." Faust's reply went unheard, but he didn't care. He smiled contently as he lightly brushed the hair away from the younger shaman's face. He then looked upwards thoughtfully, towards the ceiling, yet past it.

_Thank you, for a new life._

**-Fin-**


End file.
